


A Beautiful Shock

by somethingfullofangst (sram)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Bottom Lim Changkyun |I.M, Bottom Yoo Kihyun, Changkyun In Love, Cliche, Crossdressing, Hoseok sells himself, Love at First Sight, M/M, Top Shin Hoseok | Wonho, changho - Freeform, host bar, love at second sight, mentioning of other korean celebrities, minor crossdressing, not a major plot point, slight changki, the flirting is awful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-06-29 14:59:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15731778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sram/pseuds/somethingfullofangst
Summary: How much do you love your friends? Enough that you crossdress so that you can help them prove their boyfriend's disloyalty? Alright, that's not that bad. But wait.What are you doing?Are you seriously about to fall in love with this guy? What are you doing right now? Stop it.





	1. Chapter 1

1\. She’s Real.

Changkyun catches sight of himself in the mirror and his confidence flies south for the winter. But alas, this is what happens when he loves his friends a little too much. 

See Kihyun has been dating this guy, what’s-his-face? Hoseok? They’ve been together for going on four months (this is a record for Kihyun) and things are going great for them. Really. 

And the first sign of tears in Kihyun’s eyes makes Changkyun break down. He’ll do anything, _anything_ to make this man happy. If something breaks then by golly he’s going to fix the fuck out of it.

They’ve known each other for as long as they’ve known how to form sentences. They met at daycare and have been friends ever since. Changkyun can still remember the first man that Kihyun wooed, as it is himself. 

Their first interaction was Kihyun shyly wobbling over to him and asking for a crayon in a perfectly coherent sentence, bearing his gums in a cute smile. Changkyun was a dumb little shit, so he chucked the entire box at Kihyun’s head and got scolded by every single adult he met for about a week, as they were all curious about the huge swelling on Kihyun’s forehead.

But Kihyun would still come over to him every single day and ask him again, big eyes blinking and fingers doing this weird crabby-pinchy thing. “Can I? Please?”

He also remembers the rest of the men Kihyun stole souls and hearts from, like their high school history teacher, one of the chefs at a restaurant they frequented, Changkyun, local convenience store employee Jooheon Lee, a pilot when they went on their first international trip- and it can go on for longer, but Changkyun still isn’t sure if he can accept the fact that Kihyun has dated all of these people except for him.

Point is sometimes we love our friends a lot. And sometimes we love them _too_ much.

Changkyun means it when he tells Kihyun that he loves him every time they end a call or go separate ways at the train station. He really does. 

But as he’s standing in the middle of Kihyun’s bathroom staring at the mirror in horror, all freshly naired and hairless from head to toe in a weird flouncy skirt-dress-thing, he’s starting to wonder if maybe he’s been too obvious about his feelings. This is sick. This is wrong. This is...

“Perfect! You look so perfect!” Kihyun yips excitedly when Changkyun finally manages to exit the bathroom with just a little bit of his dignity still in-tact. 

He doesn’t hide the scowl on his face when he grumbles in response, “I feel like you’re taking advantage of my kindness at this point.”

 

Kihyun’s grin falls and he’s suddenly too shy and apprehensive, biting his lip and looking around the room at objects less interesting than Changkyun in a black bouncy skirt. “I never wanted you to feel like that, but it’s just… Hoseok is really popular. I’m scared he’s been fooling around behind my back and-”

“KIhyun he is a host,” Changkyun throws his hands up exasperatedly, but he remembers the skirt of this thing is actually attached to the top half; a dress, and it rides up too much whenever he makes the slightest movement so he sighs and attempts to calm his nerves. “He gets paid to spend time with women. That’s his job.”

 

“Exactly. And I’m not a woman.”

“Well neither am I.” Changkyun huffs as he collapses on the army fatigue bean bag near Kihyun’s bed. Everything in here smells like Kihyun, and Changkyun can already feel himself getting a little too excited about that fact alone. It’s his room. Of course it smells like him. Calm down weirdo.

“Not with that deep-ass voice, no. But if you just pretend to be mute we can pull this off.”

 

‘’If I’m mute, how do I tell them that I want Hoseok specifically?”

“Just point at him, blow a few kisses, you know? Make him see you.”

Changkyun chokes on the air he’s trying to breathe nearly two hours later as he’s staring up at the neon blue lights of The Aqua Lounge. Kihyun steals hearts and souls from a lot of men, so is the norm. But that very same man has advanced to the point of stealing both those things plus Changkyun’s manhood in so little time. 

It’s a lot like any other club he’s ever been too with music playing overhead and a sparse amount of people poorly dancing in the middle of the floor, but what was he expecting? People fucking against the walls at the front door? 

A smiling copper-haired man greets him with a deep bow, his silver name tag reads Minhyuk. “Hello miss. Is there anyone that you’re looking for in particular? Or are you new?”

Changkyun’s eyes swim through the crowd. There are so many tables full of made-up faces and name brand clothes that it makes him sick. That one girl, her red-bottom heels probably cost more than his apartment if he’d paid rent ten times that month. But as quickly as his search begins it ends, and he coughs out as he lifts his horribly manicured nail and points at Hoseok near the bar, smiling at some big-breasted vixen who is leaning on him so hard they might both topple over.

Minhyuk gets the hint even without words and chuckles. “He’s with a guest right now, Hoseok. But if you want to go ahead and pay for his next available time slot, I’m sure we can arrange something.”

Changkyun taps his throat and prays, please don’t sound like you belong on To Catch A Predator, and then he speaks in as high an octave as he can, which admittedly sounds like a woman that has been continuously smoking for about forty years straight. “What time slot is that?”

Minhyuk doesn’t look the slightest bit surprised, maybe because Changkyun’s drag is quite obvious? As he’s flipping through a little black notebook, his eyes settle on the only blank space and he drags a single finger across the page. “If you want, is 12 AM okay? It’s a prime-time slot too, so it’ll be double the usual price.”

Changkyun whimpers involuntarily. He’s just a college student who works at a cafe part-time. Even if he is spending Kihyun’s rich family money it still hurts his pocket, and he nods hesitantly. “Yeah man. That’s….good.”

“Can I see your I.D? Just to confirm you’re legal.”

“O. Okay.”

Changkyun fidgets with the little gray wristlet Kihyun forced on his arm, and after so long of trying to get the clasp off he frustratedly rips it open and the clasp ricochets off a metal vase nearby, which makes him wince. 

Minhyuk takes the I.D with both hands like it’s incredibly valuable and if he doesn’t treat it with care his master will end his life, completely and professionally ignoring Changkyun’s slip-up. He stays in character the entire time. Gosh. Changkyun reminds himself to text Kihyun asking for more money, so he can leave a tip for this adorable young man.

Minhyuk examines the tiny piece of plastic with a raised brow, and when he holds it up to match the face with Changkyun’s he giggles. “Charming. Alright Miss Changkyun-ah, would you like for me to escort you to a seat?”

Changkyun flushes. Damn did he forget the situation that he’s in. He’s been trying to figure out why there’s so much air on his legs, but now he knows. Can this skirt even be considered a skirt if it stops mid-thigh and there is so much (so much) skin on display?

He shakes his head hurriedly and motions to a chair closest to the bar where Hoseok is, and Minhyuk loops arms with him before he can race away. They collide from the force of pulling away/pulling back, “We need your payment upfront too, I’m sorry. “ Minhyuk’s face is a pretty pastel pink when he says this, and the lights of the club do very little to hide this. 

Changkyun guesses it’s because he’s not used to being so close to people like this, and peels away from him like tape being ripped off a package. 

Changkyun shoves his debit card into Minhyuk’s hand (takes his I.D back simultaneously) and then runs over to the seat because he sees some other pretentious looking lady eyeing it with interest.

In fact as Changkyun takes in the appearance of the women in this place it starts to dawn on him that he’s the odd one out. All of these women have brands plastered to their skin, on their skin. Their makeup is great. Their clothes are even better. Changkyun’s wearing what feels like hand towel that has been sewn together and scrunches up in the front hideously. 

He’s not even sure of why Kihyun owns something like this. Or why Kihyun’s in possession of this silky chestnut colored wig, or the ripped tinted stockings, and let’s not forget the blood red lipstick. It’s time that he reevaluates the people that he hangs out with. 

He’s on his second or third cocktail of the night when he strains his ears just enough to hear Hoseok’s parting exchange with the red-haired vixen chick that’s been trying to wrap around him like a snake for the last half hour. “Are you going home to your girlfriend, or are you going home with me?”

“Haha. Well, I already told you I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do have another job lined up right after this, so I will have to decline again. Maybe tomorrow?”

Changkyun is both upset that Hoseok means this, and that he’s getting paid to say it. How sad this lady would be if she found out this mid-twenty guy actually goes home to a man every night instead of a woman. Changkyun chokes on the peach flavored candy in the bottom of the cup. 

He watches nervously as Minhyuk appears from somewhat thin air holding the notebook, Hoseok following behind him with a devilish smirk.”This is Miss Chanyeon.”

Changkyun parts his lips to correct Minhyuk, who is still in character for the most part but when he looks at Hoseok it’s like he’s staring at the biggest annoyance in the world. But when he sees Changkyun stumbling over what to say, he just winks and holds a finger up to his lips. “Chanyeon, Hoseok. She requested you specifically. She’s really shy, so be kind, be gentle.”

Hoseok slides into the booth next to Changkyun and their thighs touch. He smiles and waves Minhyuk away, though he is holding eye contact with Changkyun like it’s some sort of contest to see who will blink first. 

Changkyun looks away, tears prickling his eyes, and remembers KIhyun telling him not to ruin his makeup. 

“You’re such a beautiful woman, how old are you?” Hoseok tries, leaning forward in the seat so that he can try to catch sight of Changkyun again. 

Changkyun regretfully opens his mouth, but clamps it shut just as fast and lifts his fingers up to show on one hand there are two fingers and on the other there is one.

“Oh. Twenty one? You’re so young! That means you can only get prettier. Or, um.” Hoseok blinks away what looks like confusion, and then grabs Changkyun’s fresh cocktail and sips from it. “Are you going for sexy? In something like that, I can definitely say you give off a sexy aura.”

Changkyun’s spit is suddenly too hard to swallow. Why is he being so forgetful tonight? That’s right, he is wearing a towel for a skirt and his fake breasts look slightly bigger thanks to the weird squishy bra that Kihyun forced him into. He looks down at said fake breasts and then at Hoseok with a scowl. Damn this not talking thing, he has no way to show what he’s really feeling.

Hoseok throws his hands up in surrender and chuckles like he’s having the time of his life. “That’s no fair, I haven’t looked at you in that way since my last customer left. Seems to me like you’re one of those girls that want a man to pay attention to your face, so that’s what I’m doing. Good and innocent, just for you.”

Minhyuk is walking by with a girl in a glittery dress hanging off his arm when he slams a little green notebook on the table in front of Hoseok. Changkyun stares down at it like it is the most foreign object in the world but Hoseok nudges it in his direction with a silver pen. “Go on. Tell me if I’m doing a good job. Or if you have any demands?”

Changkyun writes in the messiest handwriting he can muster (trying to mimic his mother and sisters). 

_you’re good_   
_just tell me my makeup looks great_

Hoseok hides behind his hand when he laughs, flashing a thumbs up in place of his words. And honestly, for a while, Changkyun can see the allure of paying $850 to spend time with this dork. 

“You, yeah, you’re gorgeous. You stole my attention when you sat down.” Hoseok’s eyes wander off to where he’d just been sitting at the bar and he frowns, “I think I actually paid more attention to you than I did my last guest, she started getting a little upset.”

_I’m sorry honestly_   
_I heard from a friend_   
_you’re the best in the business_

“There are better hosts…” Hoseok hesitates, a boyish grin on his face. “I didn’t know I was getting referrals… But I’m glad that it lead you to me. You’re the definition of beauty in my books. You know?”

_what is your definition?_

“You?” Hoseok tries jokingly, but the death glare Changkyun shoots him makes his spine straighten and his smile falter slightly. He drags his eyes over every inch of skin before he finally looks Changkyun in the face again. “Tan, dimples-I saw them when you were smiling at the candy in your drink earlier, by the way.. And.... Hmm. Not too skinny. Rounder face. Stuff like that.”

Changkyun is on the fence between being flustered and being furious. How could Hoseok just say any of that, while it is very corny and makes Changkyun feel a little fluttery, it’s also the opposite of everything that Kihyun is. In fact Kihyun is pale, he is super skinny, and he surely doesn’t have dimples. Changkyun rips the page out and balls it up in his hand, starting over from scratch.

_do you have a girlfriend?_

His hand shakes as he writes out the next bit, but he knows the first question is a no-brainer so he has to step it up a notch if he expects any results.

_or a boyfriend?_

And it does the trick, Hoseok looks like he’s just had the wind slapped out of him and he grabs the notepad with both hands just to make sure he’s reading it correctly. But if his recovery isn’t the smoothest damned thing. “No. Not yet, not either of those. But we can probably work something out tonight, yeah?”

Changkyun rips this paper out too, balls it up, and stuffs it into his mouth. Looks Hoseok dead in the eyes as he chews on it and writes another note, scooting closer to the wall of the booth so that their thighs no longer touch.

 

_so sorry I will literally kill you if you touch me again_

 

“That’s… Can I order you another drink?” Hoseok stands abruptly, brows furrowed, and then heads over to the bar. He comes back just as quickly with a clear bottle decorated with red stripes and two shot glasses. Changkyun has another note already waiting for him on his side of the table.

_where do I spit this note out at?_

Hoseok stifles another laugh, but his shaking shoulders give away the fact that he’s trying so hard to hide it. He holds out the empty cocktail glass from earlier and Changkyun sighs, happy to get the mushy material out of his mouth finally.

Hoseok pours him a shot and passes it to him, now from the opposite side of the table so that they have no choice but to look at each other. Changkyun grips the cup and throws it back. Hoseok pours him another just as fast, and he repeats the action. His phone vibrates on the table and it’s a photo from Kihyun, to which he throws back another fruity flavored shot and opens it.

“Oh? Is that your boyfriend? I’m upset. I thought I had a chance.” Hoseok asks teasingly, over the edge of the phone screen Changkyun can see a mask of a smile picking up on Hoseok’s face. 

What? Wait a moment. It…. it can’t be that Hoseok really thinks he’s a girl? No way. Kihyun wouldn’t date someone so stupid.

But then again, this was Kihyun’s idea, so maybe he already knew Hoseok was going to be easily fooled like this?

The photograph is of Kihyun’s bed. It’s simple. He says he’s lonely. It’s like a bat signal for Changkyun, as he’s like Kihyun’s cuddle-dealer so that means he has to leave like right now. Now. Now.

Changkyun looks at the time on his phone and realizes they have about fifteen minutes left and he outright takes the bottle of fruity vodka and chugs it in big gulps, whatever doesn’t go down his throat trickles out his mouth and spills unto his clothes. Hoseok watches this with wide eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Hoseok reaches to take the bottle, but Changkyun’s already slamming it down on the table and standing up. “Chanyeon wait-”

 

Minhyuk stops him at the door with a confused and concerned look on his face. “What’s wrong? Was the service not satisfactory?”

 

“It was great.” Changkyun mumbles. “I’ll see you later Minhyuk.”

After he is well on his way out the door, he hears Hoseok arguing a little bit that.

“Stop saying that. She’s pretty, but not that pretty. She’s definitely real.”

“If you say so.” MInhyuk shoots back, but adds on that, “She’s as real as you want her to be.”

*

The next time Changkyun is there is about a week later. He’s wearing waist-high jeans and an oversized shirt when he shows up all kinds of crooked and wrong. Fixes his wig in the reflective glass of the door before he goes inside. 

Instead of Minhyuk greeting people at the door, he is surprised to find that it is the local convenience store boy that Kihyun has already been with several times. He can’t help but look at Jooheon apologetically when he enters, which is a look that Jooheon knows well judging by the soft sigh he releases.

But unlike Minhyuk, Jooheon doesn’t ask to see his I.D, though he looks high skeptical of how Changkyun’s tucked the front half of his shirt into his jeans in a messy attempt to clean up.

See here’s the thing. Kihyun called him boohooing. The new guy he likes just became single, and yes it happens just that fast, so now he needs to get Hoseok approximately twelve-thousand feet away from him so that he can make a move, but Hoseok isn’t happy about this breaking up thing cause he actually likes the dumbass. Feels like Changkyun has been spying for loyalty on the wrong team.

Despite all of that Changkyun has never thought he’d see the day that someone asks him to steal their man for a short while, to make sure no one else gets him. And he’s not even sure if he can at this point since he hasn’t been able to successfully hit on anyone ever since he realized his deep feelings for Kihyun last year.

But he’s just finished working in the dance studio that his sister owns, and he figures he may as well shoot his shot with all of this adrenaline pumping in his veins.

He passes over his debit card and makes way for the corner table closest to the bar, ignoring Jooheon’s question about where he wants to sit because he’s already spotted Hoseok sitting there alone, running his fingers over the smooth wood like it’s something he wants to appreciate. Dazed. Kind of pathetic looking.

Changkyun already has a folded piece of paper in his hands when he approaches. It’s been written out, but he doesn’t know what it says. Kihyun ordered him not to look at it because it’ll make him feel that it’ll hit him a little bit harder when he realizes what it says.

He slaps it down on the table in front of Hoseok and folds his arms over his chest to hide the fact that he doesn’t have any fake boobs tonight, but that should be the least of his worries. They both look at the contents of the paper at the same time, and Changkyun just about faints from the shock of it. 

Hoseok throws his hands up, stands abruptly, meets Changkyun’s shocked gaze and smirks. “Wow.” is all he can manage to say, face blank and smooth.

And Changkyun doesn’t blame him. 

Because the paper shamelessly reads.

_how much does it cost to get you into bed?_

Hoseok glances down at the fancy silver wrist watch he’s wearing and says to him lowly, “Shit, it can be free. Are you ready now? I was about to leave,” Hoseok strides past him like he hadn’t just agreed to sleep with him and there’s an odd silence left in the corner.

Shit. Changkyun jogs to catch up to him.

For the first time since they’ve met, it’s not like Changkyun needs to keep it a secret since Hoseok obviously likes men and women equally, he decides it’s a good time to speak.

“God. I hope they don’t charge me just for setting foot in there.”

Hoseok turns to look at him and, by some miracle, he just smiles innocently and takes hold of Changkyun’s fingers. 

When they’re a little bit down the road Hoseok says something that oddly the opposite of seduction, since Changkyun actually likes having the function of his legs.

“Oh well. I guess you’ll just have to pay with your body, right? All night. I’m feeling risky, maybe a little bit of the morning too.”


	2. 2. Mini Skirts Have Only ONE Good Use

Changkyun begins to wonder when “How much do I have to pay to get you into bed.” translates to: how about we sit on my couch with you kneeling over me sobbing, we haven’t even proper kissed, yet you have? had? A boner.

Now Changkyun is no expert in hookups, but he’s no absolute fool either. None of this is right. He’s patting Hoseok’s upper arm gently while massaging the exposed skin between the neck and shoulder because at some point he was full-on stripping and Changkyun was praying all of those rippling muscles wouldn’t tear him apart by the end of the night.

They are here now.

But as it turns out even if Hoseok was terribly aroused, now he’s sobbing at the sight of a tiny crescent moon tattoo behind Changkyun’s ear. It’s really small and easy to overlook, but Changkyun knows the real reason the image upsets the other man is probably because Kihyun has a matching one in the exact same spot. Friend tattoos. Drunken, stupid idea, but small enough to conceal.

If Hoseok is pink-faced and shaking uncontrollably at the sight of something like this, Kihyun must be a really good fuck because- Changkyun has never cried over something so stupid.

Changkyun honestly can’t believe he’s thinking so hard about this. Kihyun only dated this guy for a few months, which was a feat for Kihyun, but how in the hell could such an attractive man be so worked up over something so simple and so normal, so human.

Relationships aren’t meant to last. They’re meant to tear you apart, sure, but if that’s not what you were expecting from the start then you’re being played the fool.

“It’s okay, you can cry,” Changkyun says reassuringly. He had no idea he was supposed to be getting fucked by this guy until about thirty minutes ago anyway, it’s not like he was anticipating it either. Would be nice after a year of near celibacy. But Changkyun will take what he can get.

Changkyun had been planning, for the most part, to get him to his apartment, then get sloppy drunk and pass out before anything could escalate. He’s still mad at the fact that Kihyun would just dump this poor guy as cute as he is and as soft as he seems, and he’s not about to take advantage of someone who’s already hurting anyway.

And perhaps he’s too trustworthy. He’s thinking this soft looking guy with the permanent pout on his face isn’t going to actually take him up on that offer, because why would he? They’re strangers who’ve had a drink together and up until twenty minutes ago, Hoseok had never even heard him speak.

As sure as the sky is blue Hoseok pushes him up against the wall of his studio apartment and presses soft lips on his neck and fumbles with the button on his jeans. Shit. Changkyun isn’t even in the mood for this; he’s a bundle of nerves and ‘’please don’t make me do this, please.’’

And in the end, Changkyun falls asleep with a wet spot on his shoulder and strong arms wrapped around his waist. On his small suede loveseat. Which was a bad idea? But Hoseok’s cute little sneezes while he sleeps is like a gift on their own. Changkyun is content.

He regrets it when he wakes up in the morning, legs dangling off the side and skin sticking to his clothes (who sleeps in jeans, so inappropriate and disrespectful).

Technically he doesn’t even own a real bed, just a blow-up-mattress that may or may not be full of holes from all of the stray cats he tries to adopt, but they just scratch him up and abandon him. So it would’ve been useless anyway, to support the weight of two people.

But still as Changkyun tumbles off of the sofa and onto the cold hard floor, legs numb and cold sweaty clothes sticking to his skin, he realizes he’s alone; up until some point not long ago Hoseok was still cradling him against his chest. Changkyun’s a pretty heavy sleeper, but he’s never shared a small couch and woke up alone before.

And there’s something stuck to his forehead. A… A note? Changkyun pulls it off and squints at the blurry messy handwriting.

Three letters. Three letters of bullshit.

I. O .U

-

A day later Changkyun is wiping the sweat off his brow and laughing with his younger sister Kim. She’s so close to mastering this weird twist-step-hop thing that they’d forgotten to eat lunch that day and even if the hunger is catching up to her, she wants to have everything well prepared for the class she’s teaching tomorrow.

“You have to learn to plan ahead.” Changkyun huffs in resignation, collapsing on the floor beside her. “Cause there are too many steps- too many you don’t know, and we can’t teach something that is incomplete.”

“What am I even paying you for?” She wags her pink towel in his face and then steps over him like he’s a simple obstacle in the road before she continues to pirouette around the floor like an experienced ballerina. She did ballet for five years of her life before she decided that elegant form of dance was too pure, she liked hip-hop, she liked rock. She couldn’t stand the soft or classical tunes. So when she’d had enough, she drifted off into other forms of physical expression and now look at her.

Fucking up a simple twisty hop.

Changkyun’s ears itch when the sound of Kihyun’s ringtone flows from his phone; he’d turned the volume down earlier so that he could focus on the steps for this stupidly complicated routine. He drags his heavy body over to his duffle bag by scooting inch by inch along the dusty tile and yanks the smooth cold device out from its nice little nest.

“Kihyun sorry, I’m at work right now I-”

“Did you fuck Hoseok last night?”

Changkyun isn’t even taken aback by this, every single minute he’s ever spent with KIhyun in his entire life has been leading up to this moment of truth. He inhales sharply, feels his lungs getting tight from holding it too long.

“I’m not gonna lie to you, I feel like you really fucked that kid up with whatever weird shit you got him into.”

 

“What? Did he make you wear a pantyhose?”

“What? Did he make me wear a pantyhose?” Changkyun repeats a few octaves higher than normal, mortified at the accusation that Hoseok would ever-

“If it’s not that, did he tie you to the headboard? Oh shit, did he spank you? Hand or paddle?”

 

The phone slips out of Changkyun’s grip and lands on the floor with a dramatic loud thud. Maybe every second of every year he’s ever spent alive doesn’t compare, will never compare, to Kihyun’s filthy verbal admission of kinks.

“Changkyun I’m being serious. You have to at least try something that he’s into. I don’t want him running off with some unknown hobo. You’ve got to learn to bend over backward for a man like that, do everything he wants even if it’s gross or weird or crazy…..”

 

****

Changkyun readjusts his skirt on his waist. He’d been sweating a lot more recently, probably from trying to learn all of these steps that Kimmy forced off on him at the last moment, curly hair hanging into her eyes while she grins excitedly. He’s lost weight. But still, the outfit of the night hangs on him like it’s clinging to his skin. Kihyun sure knows how to pick ‘em.

This time he should be used to all the air on his legs, used to the feeling of that pleated mini skirt hanging off his thighs, getting caught on the fabric of his sheer black pantyhose. He’s done this more than once

Yes, again he’s found himself in something so skimpy that his face burns despite the cool air conditioning of the club he’s in. Kihyun texted him not too long ago, it was basically a command to get dressed in the outfit Kihyun had Prime delivered to Changkyun’s house, and Uber to this location immediately.

The delivery man had Changkyun’s door code, and to make matters worse Changkyun was in the middle of sitting in his living room completely nude watching Titanic, mimicking the words he knew by heart. The man placed the package on the counter, and swiftly left before any explanations could be given.

It was awkward, to say the least, but not as awkward as him trying to apply his own makeup while watching Youtube videos on his tiny phone screen. In the end he just barely managed some sort of weird stupid crooked eyeliner wing, which if these wings were on any type of aircraft every passenger on board would die after it sails straight down and smashes into the earth.

The only thing he can say he applied correctly is the soft pink lip gloss. It reminds him of candy, of a sucker after you’ve licked one too many times. Other than that he looks pretty stupid to everyone around him, he’s sure of it.

Today Kihyun also sent him a wig. A straight black bob with a bang across the front, the hair tickles his chin when he looks left or right. At least it looks more natural this way, and to a drunken Hoseok, his flat chest hidden behind this white dressy shirt probably looks really delicious. Or so he hopes. He feels like a fool. 

Even in the dim lighting with all of the bodies pushing into each other and moving to the sound of the music, Changkyun makes out his figure clearly leaning on the bar.

Hoseok doesn’t belong here, he belongs in the host club mingling around with the women that adore him for more than one night. But here he looks out of place, lost in his thoughts. He doesn’t belong with a woman hanging off one arm, and another shoving a drink into his hand urging him to drink it all in one go.

Changkyun’s face contorts in disgust and he strides through the crowd, bumping into people without apology and dodging one guy who was reaching out for his elbow to pull him in for a dance. When he survives and comes out mostly unscathed, he snatches the cup of dark liquid out of Hoseok’s cold hand and attempts to throw it back.

“Ah ugh, what the fuck- is this shoe polish?” Changkyun gags, fighting the urge to spit it all back out while he’s coughing himself to death. The girls start to become slightly agitated when Hoseok wraps an arm around his waist and pulls his body close, letting his hands roam over Changkyun’s hips.

“Hello, beautiful.” Hoseok purrs so closely to his ear that the loud music seems like it’s coming from a room down the hall and not directly overhead. “It’s funny that I should run into you here, I was just thinking about you. Can I come over to your place tonight?”

Changkyun rolls his eyes and steps out of the embrace. He’s given up on sounding feminine at this point, and he doesn’t think there is a single notebook within miles of this place, so he just speaks casually.

“Awful smooth for a man that cried himself to sleep two nights ago. What the hell are you doing here, like this?” Changkyun motions to Hoseok’s slit-knee pants and overstretched black shirt, both of which greatly contrast to the stylish setting he has in the host club, then he rudely points to the women that were all over him until Changkyun arrived. “Letting them touch you like you aren’t something broken. Do you think a stranger is going to put you back together and still think you’re lovely? Do you think that I can?”

Hoseok stands there entirely flummoxed, staring at the Changkyun who is usually so quiet, shy even. His eyeliner is horrible and he’s chewing his lips so hard his teeth leave indents on the surface. And his face is so hot. Burning, embarrassed that he’s here like this again in front of this same man. Spitting all this nonsense he may or may not have heard from a movie on TV.

If you would’ve told him half a year ago he’d be standing in some sketchy club wearing a mini skirt and trying to convince a guy that he’s worth more than petty hookups, he wouldn’t believe it. He still doesn’t, and he’s living through it right this second.

Then Changkyun doesn’t know what’s happening until it’s too late, until Hoseok’s already leaned all the way in and pecked him on the lips gently (to shut him up?). It’s a mesmerizing sight, the way Hoseok’s eyes flutter close when he goes in for a second, a third, and then tilts his head and holds Changkyun in place while the kiss grows deeper and hotter. They’re already too absorbed in each other to notice Hoseok’s crowd of girls have dispersed, giving up on wooing him tonight.

Changkyun should learn to stop. Learn to say no. Do they have classes for that? Can you pay someone to train you like a dog?

But Kihyun told him to come here, Kihyun told him it was okay to just spend one night with Hoseok, to crave Hoseok like a bad drug. Changkyun wants it all. And Hoseok wants him too. So what’s so wrong to just fold right here, to crumble and have Hoseok hold him up?

Before now, Changkyun has never thought it would be so attractive to feel hands digging into his pantyhose-clad thighs, inching his skirt higher and higher, bruising his sensitive hips when the hands linger there too long. Changkyun pulls away gasping, shaking a little. Before now, Changkyun has never thought. Never. Not once.

Anything so strange can make him feel so good.

“Are you gonna cry tonight?” Changkyun breathes jokingly, trying to steady his quickening heart rate. What good does it do for him, when Hoseok smiles blindingly at him and grabs hold of his elbow to walk him out of the club.

“I mean, the night is still young? Who knows, maybe you’ll be crying this time.”

Changkyun scoffs in disbelief, though his face is burning much hotter than before, and allows Hoseok to lead him through the quiet night streets.

And again they are on Changkyun’s little couch, Hoseok doesn’t cry this time, but his lips trace over the little space behind Changkyun’s ear, and he mumbles against the smooth skin “I like it, it’s cute,” before he continues kissing Changkyun breathless, the taste of alcohol still on his tongue.

What it is that Changkyun is supposed to feel after this is a mystery. Kihyun has the exact same tattoo, and Hoseok may very well be regurgitating all of the sweet little things he said to his previous boyfriend. Yet all of it still makes Changkyun warm and soft, and he allows Hoseok to kiss him wherever he wants to, no matter how it’s starting to become more and more uncomfortable for the both of them on that tiny little couch.

“Are you gonna cry tonight?” Changkyun repeats somewhat just for the sake of saying it while Hoseok paws at the fabric of his tights, either trying to dig a hole into them or trying to take them off.

Hoseok pauses for a while, inch by inch sneaking his hand up Changkyun’s leg. “It depends. Are we here to touch, or are we here to talk?”

“I don’t exactly have a bed, so-”

“So?” Hoseok grabs the band of the tights and pulls them all the way down to Changkyun’s ankles after a great struggle of trying to make room on the couch. “You can talk if you want, but I’ve got other plans for my mouth.”

“No wait, I’m serious about this. Obviously, you’ve got some type of pain built up, you wanna talk about it or?” Changkyun pushes his thighs closed and blinks innocently at Hoseok. “I’ve never had a hookup crying on my shoulder before, so forgive me for worrying about you.”

 

Hoseok sits back on his knees, analyzing Changkyun’s body language to see if he’s even aroused by any of this, and he is, but mostly he’s scared that if any of this goes too far he may very well wake up with a bad limp tomorrow. “I don’t understand. We’re so, so close. I’m so close. Just let me-” Hoseok drops his face into his palms and just sighs loudly. “Why are you doing this? Are you a therapist or something? Thought we were on the same page but it looks like I’m horny, and you need source material when you post about the pathetic guy you managed to pick up two times in a row.”

Changkyun doesn’t even fight the goofy laugh that leaves his lips, which in turn makes Hoseok laugh as well, and before long they are both hiding their smiles behind their palms and shyly avoiding eye contact.

“Nah.” Changkyun caresses over his own clothed stomach down to the band of his skirt. “It’s just we’ve barely said hello, you don’t even know my real name, I figured we could at least get the basics out into the open before we go any further.” and then with a pause, Changkyun rubs circles over his thigh. "Or we can just talk about it in the morning."

Hoseok is entranced by the way Changkyun’s fingers move under the skirt, even if he can’t see what’s going on he has a very rough outline of it, and his breath catches in his throat at the sight of Changkyun’s fingers moving under the fabric. “Hello,” Hoseok finally manages to say with a slight smile, “Chan? Chan-ye-on?”

“Changkyun.” Changkyun grunts, eyes closed, head thrown back.

“Changkyun.” Hoseok slips his hand under the skirt, “Changkyun, wow, you’re beautiful.”

Changkyun needs to remember to thank Kihyun for this mini skirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “With you, intimacy colours my voice.  
> even ‘hello’ sounds like ‘come here'.”
> 
> sorry if this isn't what u were expecting, honestly not what I was expecting, but I'M SUPER sorry if it disappoints you more than me  
> most of my books are garbage posts anyway so idk what I was expecting


	3. This Love Is Dirtier Than You Think

Kihyun looks good. He always looks good, at least to Changkyun for reasons he's already made abundantly clear. If anyone needs a refresher? He's stupid in love with Kihyun. Not stupidly. Just stupid. It's the kind of slow thing that builds up beneath the skin, the one that doesn't need explaining because it's just there and you can tell it's writhing around waiting to be set free. 

Not trying to be poetic or anything, but he can practically feel it in his blood when Kihyun is glowing like this even with minimal makeup on. He, and dare Changkyun even think it, _just_ got laid. Probably on his way out the door this morning. 

“Where… Are you coming from?” Changkyun chokes a little on his own spit but keeps his eyes on the dingy gray duffle bag that Kihyun clutches close to his side while paying for their drinks. 

Kihyun leans over the counter as he's speaking, keeping his eyes locked on the barista in front of them. “My ex’s house. Please make it so strong I can't even taste the sugar, alright?” the barista nods and scurries off to fill their orders with wide frightened eyes. “Can't believe I'm saying this but I missed him. Not really him, but his dick for sure.”

There are fine pillow lines smudged on Kihyun’s smooth face, Changkyun is too busy tracing them with his eyes to realize Kihyun is staring straight at him now too, his gaze cascading down Changkyun's face, lingering there on the neck for an uncomfortable amount of time before he begins speaking, voice still full of sleep and something Changkyun can't really place. “You have a hickey right there.”

Instinctively Changkyun reaches up and slaps his hand on it like one would attempt to squish a mosquito, and the blood runs to his head a lot faster than he expected. “Um. Yeah, that… It's definitely there… When we left the club last night didn't you go home? I ordered the uber myself.”

Kihyun sighs exasperatedly, pouting in Changkyun's general direction but not looking straight at him anymore, shamelessly leaning over the counter to get a good look at the young man making their drinks, whistling in appreciation when he bends over to grab more cups from under the cabinet. “I went home. Then my dumb drunk brain decided to call him and ask him to pick me up. I was a mess, really. A stupid, horny mess.”

Changkyun can relate to this sudden announcement in the slightest because in part he is also feeling both stupid and aroused by the amount of skin Kihyun is showing this morning even if it's all the exact same outfit he wore last night. His shirt is barely even buttoned all the way, or tucked in, on top of that the cream colored sweater he's wearing has slipped off one shoulder exposing a decent amount of neck and collar, and that makes for some interesting scenery if Changkyun were being honest. 

But he's a dirty, dirty liar. “You look like shit,” he says, though even his body is gravitating closer to Kihyun when he does. “Maybe you should lay off the whiskey and gin? The only time I approve of you mixing darks and lights is when you do laundry.”

Kihyun pulls a disgusted face, his nose crinkling like an adorable pig. “You mix your darks and lights when you wash?” 

When the man returns with their drinks Kihyun slides the bottom half of their receipt to him, his 8 is always perfect when he writes down his phone number, and Changkyun wonders why that is… Since the rest of it closely resembles toddler scribble, and even this is perfect to Changkyun. The man slips it into his pocket, polite grin on his face. 

They pick a seat right beside the window and Kihyun pulls his iPad out of his duffle bag just to check Twitter, even though his phone is laying on the table right beside his murky cup of caffeine death. “So you went to see Hoseok last night?” he doesn't bring his eyes over the edge of the screen for even a second before he continues scrolling through the navy blue newsfeed in front of him. 

This may be the very last breath Changkyun takes, so he hesitates on his reply to the question. He even takes an unnecessarily long sip of his coffee before it burns his tongue. “Ah. Shit- yeah. I did see him. Last night. Uh… We didn't… Uh, do anything. He didn't want to touch me while I was so intoxicated.”

Kihyun smiles at his iPad, or at Changkyun, but it's hard to discern the difference. “I'm only assuming. here, but it looks like plenty of touching occurred last night.”

“Ugh.” Changkyun glances down at his own phone now because speak of the devil, Hoseok has texted him a simple good morning, but follows it up with _you offered to pay me back this morning but left before you could :(_. “I need you to tell me why I'm still messing around with this fool in the first place if you’re free enough to run the streets with your exes. Didn't you break up with that guy, umm, what's-his-face already?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder lazily, bites his lip hard enough that Changkyun can see the blood rushing to the spot waiting for the skin to break so it can spill over the wound. “We didn't break up, he just asked for space. But does it look like I have fucking Nasa tattooed on my forehead or something? You know I hardly even believe in _that_ space either.” he uses finger quotes the second time he says space, and he looks so serious about it that it’s almost painful to watch.

Changkyun is torn between either choking or laughing, coffee dribbles down his chin regardless. “No. I absolutely did not know that. What’s next? You’re gonna tell me the moon landing was faked?”

“It was,” he says with a straight face, then he smiles abruptly and returns to scrolling on his sorry excuse of a tablet. “Get with the times, mister.”

Changkyun catches himself thinking again. Kihyun is beautiful like this, sitting beside the window while the sun reflects off a few cars as they pass by, every little streak of light bathes him in a soft holo glow that Changkyun tries hard not to blink and miss every single time it does. 

Kihyun finds his eyes in the midst of retweeting a meme, smile contagious, eyes dipping into his cheeks like some sort of odd sunset. “I'm sorry about all this, you know? But it really is a lifesaver. Just give it time. Soon enough it's gonna go back to just me and you, no distractions. Okay?”

Changkyun sucks in a deep breath of air so that he can answer this. The weeks have been different without Kihyun leaving a soft indent in the swell of his heart. Changkyun finds he is most at peace when he's laying in Hoseok’s bed listening to an Audible while simultaneously reading to keep up with the words on Hoseok’s kindle (how fancy! Changkyun almost drops it on his own face several times). Warm. memories of Hoseok sandwiched right between his thighs leaving teasing kisses wherever he has yet to touch with his tongue. Even if Changkyun does drop the lightweight eReader on his face most of the time, Hoseok will still kiss him like it's a job well done. He's all soft and sweet. And Changkyun doesn't know if he wants to give all of that up to go back to being Kihyun's on-call cuddy buddy.

That's a mouthful, and Kihyun has already returned his attention to the smart device in his hands so Changkyun opts for drinking his coffee before it's too cold to enjoy. 

***

Changkyun knows several things about Kihyun. But for everything that he knows, there are two other things that he doesn't. Kihyun has his insecurities (but why, why?) and that he drinks fast and finds the first person with open arms to dance with. He drinks his liquor unflinchingly but is a lightweight in return (but why, why?). It's the second night they've met up to do this (but why, why?). Kihyun's dyed his hair again, but not again like it's frequent; again like he's suffering quietly, as if he wants to sparkle and attract attention so that he feels his hurt just a little less. 

It's dirtier than blonde, kissed by ash and fire so that it radiates light but isn't too blinding. Isn't too flashy. Doesn't it seem like it just screams ‘Save me, save me’ when he locks eyes with anyone? 

The fact that Changkyun knows this still leaves two other things he doesn't know about Kihyun and can't predict. Why, why? This scenery again, blurring under neon lights and rubbing too close to each other every time Kihyun pushes him back into the bar and reaches around to grab the next fruity themed drink the bartender happily supplies him with. 

Every other shot, Kihyun loops their arms together and drinks it in such a messy fashion that it dribbles down his chin and torturously slides over the curve of his Adam's apple before it sinks into the mystery underneath his collar. Changkyun watches every time instead of drink his own shot in sync with Kihyun. In fact, it is several seconds later when Kihyun screams straight into his face before he even remembers the glass is almost slipping out of his sweaty grasp. 

The thing is, Changkyun is stupid in love with Kihyun. Why, why? Kihyun grabs his wrist and leads him to the dance floor. The open arms Kihyun doesn't have to question go straight to his waist and before long they're both sweating and grinding into each other needily. Kihyun ghosts over his lips with hot breath but kisses right there in the corner instead, and then slowly returns to that same stand-still in front of Changkyun, like he's going to kiss him on the lips, but pulls away and beams brightly at his best friend. 

Changkyun is stupid in love, but he also knows the stupid love he has for Kihyun isn't enough to waste all those years of friendship he literally bled to create, and he breaks away for the bar again muttering apologies and smiling sheepishly. Kihyun fumbles after him, but doesn't follow, doesn't stop dancing, moves on to the next-

Who could've known it's that simple. So easy, so vile. Changkyun can do it too. His heart falls again and he finds someone else to pick it up and keep it warm just long enough for them to get tired of him, or for him to get tired of them. Let it fall again. How many cracks? Can it be fixed? Kihyun will come to the bar for another shot, and Changkyun will be the glue that keeps him together. Again. Again. So many more again’s until he isn't enough anymore. 

He thinks of Hoseok at that moment. Of Hoseok’s warm clammy hands in the dark of his room appraising every inch of Changkyun while he focuses on his studies, calm breathing, the choppy fringe of his bangs low in his eyes. He tells Changkyun once more how beautiful he thinks he looks like that, in baggy pajamas and with the dim light of the eReader shining on his face. And then Hoseok kisses him, he's had enough of watching and now he wants to touch. He says they'll study in the morning but they don't. Hoseok kisses him in the same sense when they wake up. Two weeks, two weeks... Changkyun wants to do this for the rest of his being. 

Why wouldn't Kihyun want someone like that? Someone that can watch him shatter, and still think he's beautiful? 

Changkyun doesn't touch the next round of shots, or the next. Kihyun tells him again and again sorry. “I just love you, man.”  
Kihyun manages to keep his slurring to a minimal when he's really concentrated. “No homo. I'm just sorry-cause I love you like this. Not… No, not like that. But if I tried to, I know, I can love you like, like that… I just love you. I want you to love me too. But we don't… We can't love each other. You deserve..” and then he says sorry again and falls face first into the bar crying. Changkyun almost panics here. He doesn't know what any of that means, and he's scared that if he asks Kihyun is gonna branch off into an even longer and barely related explanation, so he tries to keep it to himself.

Besides Kihyun is finally at his limit and is sobbing snot bubbles out of the left side of his nose, Changkyun decides it's enough embarrassing memories to last both of them for the rest of their lives so he hauls Kihyun into the back of an Uber and stumbles him all the way to his room under the safety of his blankets. 

At some point, maybe all the way from the front door, Kihyun stripped down to nothing but his underwear and one sock, so Changkyun makes sure to cocoon him entirely in the fluffy blankets before he leaves because the only thing worse than a drunk Kihyun is a sick one. 

He loves Kihyun. And Kihyun loves him back. And Kihyun is sorry. Kihyun is sorry, sorry, sorry. Why, why? 

Hoseok answers on the first ring, the little background noise of the club staff preparing to go home, and his voice sounds just like something Changkyun thought he could find in Kihyun, something maybe even Kihyun thought he could find in himself. “Are you heading home yet?” Changkyun asks soft, timid. Hoseok doesn't answer right away, his laughter ripping through the phone in static and waves. 

“Aha. What? Are you out partying with your friends again?” but Hoseok doesn't make him wait long before he asks another question. “Did you want to come over tonight? Drinking like a madman? I don't think I can keep my hands to myself if you keep this up.”

“I think I'm soberer than I've been in years. You won't have to.” Changkyun answers quickly, and as he's moving the phone from one ear to the next Hoseok hums an affirmative. 

“Mm. Yeah?”

Changkyun feels the warmth seeping into his cheeks like the red on a paintbrush being dissolved into a cup of warm water. “Yeah.” 

 

They both reach the front of Hoseok’s townhouse at the same time (townhouse!! Changkyun needs to get in shape so that he can become a host and stop living out of his living room). Hoseok has one of those stupid metal water bottles tucked under one arm and a paper sack overflowing full of fruits and veggies slipping from his grasp in the opposite hand. The color starts from the tip of his nose, his rosy cheeks puff out in a smile. “Changkyun. I didn't get to eat my lunch because, well, we were overbooked. Also, I ran to the train station. Just, whoosh, the time escapes me so easily hah.”

Hoseok looks like he always does. His shirt is pressed, white, and half of it is still tucked into his black slacks while the rest spills out over his hip bone. Over it, he wears a black and white pinstripe blazer. His hair is ruffled and untidy and falls into his eyes like Changkyun has become so fascinated with lately. 

Changkyun falls forward and nearly misses the bag of fruits as they slip out of Hoseok’s hands while he shakes the key into the lock, but they land in his arms at just the moment that the door swings open. Both men sigh in relief, and Hoseok quickly pulls the bag away once Changkyun straightens himself up. 

“I can carry it you know.” Changkyun huffs when they're both inside and have slipped out of their shoes using each other as a pillar of support. “We're both men. You treat me like your girlfriend.”

The kitchen is, well, a kitchen. But Changkyun loves the fact that it isn't connected to the living room. He loves everything about this place actually. The bedroom is at least two sizes bigger! And so is the bed, but… 

“You think?” Hoseok shoots a glance over his shoulder as he rushes to unpack his lunch and shove it in random places to get it off the counter as quick as possible. “Should I treat you like my boyfriend instead?”

Sighing something between relief and a half-groan, Changkyun wraps his arms around Hoseok and buries his face into the warmth of the back of that familiar black and white blazer. He helped Kihyun pick this one out, maybe a month ago? It was crazy expensive. If Changkyun had known it was for a man Kihyun was planning to dump he never would've suggested buying it in the first place. “Yeah. You're all talk. Ask me out like you mean it.” 

Hoseok spins around then and leans down just enough that he can grip Changkyun's thighs like they're not his least favorite part of himself, the softness... Hoseok lifts him up and just as quickly turns back around and plops him down on the cool surface of the counter. He kisses him right after on the lips and then the chin before he continues leaving a river of little ones all over the neck. “Mmm” he knows the vibration of his moan makes Changkyun feel things, so he does it again right after biting over the same mark he left the night before, and is too giddy when he gets a shiver in response. “You know… I thought that's what we were. Never hooked up with someone who slept over my house for nearly a week straight and we weren't already dating. I mean, I have but uh… Yeah, I doubt you're like him.”

Changkyun stills his hands in their search for the loop of Hoseok’s belt, and then he tries to force out a laugh but it sounds more like a whimper. “I knew someone like that too. Never meant any harm…”

“But?” Hoseok whispers against his ear, and Changkyun's entire body reacts to the warm air like he needs to just feel all of Hoseok right then and there, so he finally snaps the belt right out of the loops and lets it clatter to the floor. “Did he? 

“Huh?” 

“Did he do any harm?”

Changkyun wraps his arms around Hoseok’s shoulders and pulls him into a hug instead, muffling his attempts to continue kissing and tugging Changkyun's poor sweatshirt out of shape in his path for untouched skin. “He did.”

Hoseok pushes a palm over Changkyun's stomach, slides it lower, lower to his thigh, and then inches it right back up until Changkyun can't take the torture anymore and scoots closer himself. Then that little head pops into his vision again, Hoseok breathing hard, hair everywhere. “That's okay,” Hoseok tells him. “He didn't mean to hurt anyone. It's okay. You can keep being his friend even if he makes mistakes, and sometimes he'll hurt you too. Just be there. Show him that you care. He'll figure himself out soon, and maybe not tomorrow, but soon he's gonna tell you sorry for all of it. So it's okay-”

 

(((

Instead of getting laid that night, Changkyun gets cuddled until he falls asleep. 

To be fair, he was kind of crying the entire time because he finally realized why Kihyun kept apologizing at the bar. For hurting him, for loving him too, but not loving enough. Kihyun said sorry for a lot of things. Some things they've both already forgotten. But some as recent as the kiss on the dance floor, the way they danced and-

And for knowing how Changkyun loved him. Maybe not knowing for how long. But knowing how serious it was and for… Taking advantage of it.   
~~~  
Despite Hoseok always saying that it turns him on, it doesn't. Nothing is worse than seeing, or hearing, the person you like genuinely crying their eyes out for a reason you don't even understand. 

Did he even get to ask Changkyun out? Are they dating? Will he ever get tired of going to sleep horny?   
~~~  
The next day Kihyun wakes up the next morning with a hangover so awful, and this itch behind his ears so bad he thinks he may have caught an infection there until one of his friends jokingly tells him it's because someone has been talking about him. 

)))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "i glow the way unwanted things do,  
> a neon sign that reads;  
> come, i still taste like someone else’s mouth."
> 
> -Warsan Shire
> 
> sorry about this update guys. what're you expecting? I hope not much. because I'm doing my best here already *sobbing*

**Author's Note:**

> I enjoyed writing this! I think it will be a great addition to my other few unfinished works! I absolutely love comments, so please even if it's harsh or only two words long don't be shy and show me some love! :) <3


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